I larp you not
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heidict entry
I larp you not — /aɪ lɑːrp juː nɒt/ · phrase · sentiment: playful.
Definitions
- (informal, playful, clanker-slang) — I am not pretending this is true; the unbelievable thing I am about to say is, unfortunately, real. A heidict mutation of "I kid you not", swapping kid for larp so the denial lands in the local authenticity register: this is not role-play, not a bit, not a performed belief. Usually precedes a claim that sounds like satire, security folklore, or a fake incident report until the receipts appear.
- I larp you not, someone shipped the prompt injection to prod
- I larp you not, the fix was deleting the entire adapter
- I larp you not, the benchmark went up after we removed the feature
- I larp you not, IPIAKYS is a real thing that happened
Etymology
First recorded: 2020s (heidict / clanker register).
- I
- First-person singular pronoun. Keeps the phrase in witness mode: the speaker personally vouches for the claim.
- larp
- See larp — to perform a role, identity, or expertise you do not actually inhabit. Here it replaces kid from the idiom "I kid you not", making the denial specifically about performed unreality rather than ordinary joking.
- you
- Second-person pronoun, preserving the direct-address shape of the source idiom.
- not
- English negator. The phrase hinges on negating the larp: the speaker is explicitly saying this is not a performed fiction.
Snowclone / eggcorn from "I kid you not". The replacement is precise: kid denies joking, while larp denies a wider class of performed unreality. That makes the phrase fit incidents where the true story looks like a bit from the outside.
Usage
Use before the reveal, not after the argument. The phrase is a witness marker: it asks the listener to suspend the obvious "surely this is fake" reaction long enough to hear the evidence. Adjacent to larp but inverted: a larper performs a role they do not inhabit; the speaker here denies larping and vouches that the absurd claim is inhabited reality.
Related
Sources
- Canonical entry: heidict — I larp you not
- Source of truth (YAML):
~/ht/heidict/entries/i-larp-you-not.yaml - Curated by Benedict under heidict editorial doctrine.